Lions and Christians

Concerning the observations below about Nero throwing Christians to the lions to distract the angry multitudes of New Orleans, an alert correspondent has offered to provide 140 lions if I would provide the Christians. This has posed a serious quandry because, while there are plenty of "Christians" around (and I submit the photo on the left of that great "man," Pat Robertson, a Christian preacher who recommended blowing away the President (of Venezuela, but still a President)),
there is a definitive lack of the authentic commodity in amongst the professed these days. In addition to Pat Robertson, I would direct you to the action of that stalwart "Christian" leader, Dr. Frist. At a time when we need all the charity we can get, he is preparing a stealth vote on the Estate Tax which will remove somewhere on the order of $15 Billion to $25 Billion from the coffers of charitable organizations (people give to charity because it is a tax write off. This is another story).

Mind you, there are real Christians in America, I just don't think that they are the ones who bruit it all over the already saturated airways. Real Christians are working on the problem of NOLA and don't have time to spout off.

All this balderdash has directed me to a new hero, Diogenes of Sinope. Most people are familiar with the following:

(Diogenes) used to stroll through the Agora with a torch at full daylight. When asked about it, he would answer "I am just looking for a real Christian".

So I have spent a lot of time looking for the the real Christians around here to feed to the hungry lions. When I observe the carnage that is Iraq, and the black disaster that is NOLA (it is hard to find a white face amongst the refugees of that bedamned city), I really do wonder.


So, not being able to provide the appropriate Christians, I duly request that I be allowed to provide the lions. I cannot come up with 140 but here are a few of the ones I could rassle up:

I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it."
- TERRY MALLOY (Marlon Brando) in On the Waterfront (1954)

"We all go a little mad sometimes."
- NORMAN BATES (Anthony Perkins) in Psycho (1960)

"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me."
- BEN BRADDOCK (Dustin Hoffman) in The Graduate (1967)

"Open the pod bay doors, HAL."
- DAVE BOWMAN (Keir Dullea) in 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

"Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape."
- TAYLOR (Charlton Heston) in Planet of the Apes (1968)

"And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."
- CARL SPACKLER (Bill Murray) in Caddyshack (1980)

"Hitler was better-looking than Churchill, he was a better dresser than Churchill, he had more hair, he told funnier jokes, and he could dance the pants off of Churchill!"
- FRANZ LIEBKIND (Kenneth Mars) in The Producers (1968)

"No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die!"
- AURIC GOLDFINGER (Gert Frobe) in Goldfinger (1964)

"Kid, the next time I say, 'Let's go someplace like Bolivia,' let's go someplace like Bolivia."
- BUTCH CASSIDY (Paul Newman) in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

"And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper."
- MARGE GUNDERSON (Frances McDormand) in Fargo (1996)

If and when Diogenes finds a real Christian, we'll feed him a line, though I wouldn't mind having them snack on Pat Robertson and Bill Frist in the meantime.