Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

Clinton Foundled by Nuns!

In a surprise announcement today President Clinton revealed that he had been foundled as a child. Instead of the idyllic childhood usually portrayed in his biographies he actually spent his first six years in a foundling home. There, according to his own recollection, he was repeatedly foundled by nuns.

While President Clinton has successfully recuperated from the last big sexual scandal (thank you, once again, Ken Starr), this announcement could have a major impact on his wife's run for the presidency in 2008. (No, Hillary Clinton was not a nun.)

When asked for a comment, Monica Lewinsky, now a Congressional Page in the House of Representatives, said: "I am shocked. Just shocked. Bill always told me it was his first time."

Clinton was in seclusion at his Chapaquidak home and would not answer requests to "name names."

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