Friday, June 01, 2007

Friday Crab Blogging

Crabs and Crab Cakes
Perhaps you are one of those people who like crab cakes. I hope not. Crab cakes are mentioned here only to be condemned. There are many reasons to cast dispersions on these impostors. Let me detail a few:
1. They are adulterated with junk food. Many so called crab houses make cakes by whispering the word "crab" over a pile of filler mulch.
2. Your average crab cake only lasts for two or three bites. As the years progress, the size deflates (sort of the direct opposite of the Federal Debt or Rush Limbaugh's waistline).
3. Eating a crab cake is not a social event. Picking crabs puts you in the company of like minded people for an extended period of time. Just like a foxhole, there is no politics at a crab feast. Just a good time.
4. A crap cake lasts, at the most, one-half a glass of beer. This is a disgrace. I won't tell you about quenching thirst at a crab feast. It would make every pub in Dublin blush.
5. Picking crabs requires expertise. It is an art. I once watched a true picker on Smith Island dissemble a crab in approximately 28.5 seconds. She was a professional. Us amaturs take longer, of course. But popping that crab in half and digging into the back quarters brings out the hunter in us all. Its a primal pleasure.

So, next time you're tempted to buy a $25 crab cake at some fancy watering hole don't let them fool you. Sign out and run to your local feast at a bistro like the "Crab Claw."

1 comment:

Redjalapeno said...


My crabcakes have only crabmeat in them. They don't hold together very well. In fact they don't hold together at all.

Ingredients: Old Bay, butter, crabs, beer.

Pick a bunch of crabs, dip in butter, squish together, eat, drink, be merry.

Crab 'cakes' are indeed a ruse, like MWD's.